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Sep 09, 2016

Seven ways you pretend you know about sport

how2pretendUknowaboutsports

So all your friends are huge sports fans and you couldn’t care less? No problem, we have a solution: fake it, and fake it better than you’ve ever faked it before. Look, there’s nothing wrong with being a sports fan; likewise, there’s nothing wrong with NOT being a sports fan. That’s why we’re here to help you find your equilibrium between being “completely clueless” and a “master of sports knowledge.”

Pretending to know about sports is sad IF you do it poorly. But, when you do it right, you’re a champion. This is a hard skill to learn, trust us, but give it a chance. You might as well try, or actually learn about sports (which takes much longer), or get some new friends. We think our solution is the easiest.

1. Know when to jump on the #1 smack-talking bandwagon:

This depends on where you’re from, and while you generally don’t care who wins, you definitely want your state to win (or whoever your friends are cheering for). After all, we’re the best, so our state should be champion.

2. Follow the trends:

You don’t have to love sports to pick up on the latest trends in professional sports. Just follow some sports teams and broadcasts on Twitter and Facebook and let this seemingly pointless information pop up on your newsfeed every so often. Suddenly everyone hates Lebron? Perfect, now you hate Lebron. The refs totally blew a game-winning call in the last Bears game? You now can blurt out things like “We got robbed, the ref needs to get his eyes checked” and your friends will agree and take the conversation in their own direction.

3. Get some team apparel:

Go online and order a beanie, shirt or something that resembles a particular sports team. If you’re wearing a Chicago Blackhawks t-shirt to the bar, I already assume you are a fan with at least some knowledge of the sport.

4. Hang out at sports bars that offer more:

If you aren’t a sports fan, don’t go to a sport-specific bar until you learn the ropes! Go to some bar & grills with TVs everywhere but the focus is on the food and drinks. Go to WhirlyBall. This place is perfect because it’s technically a massive sports bar, but you can play games like WhirlyBall, lasertag, and bowling while the walls of HDTVs blast you with multiple games all at once. Plus there’s amazing-delicious food and over 32 beers on tap at all times. Hitting up places like this regularly aren’t a drag because they have something to offer for everyone, but at the same time sports are a big focus and allow you to observe and learn sports in a fun environment.

5. Watch sports films:

Movies help non sport fans understand sports in an entertaining way by adding in storylines and character developments while inadvertently educating the audience. You’ll learn a lot about football if you watch Remember The Titans, and you won’t even notice because you’ll be filled with emotions and crying your eyes out. Some notable and educational sports films include: The Blind Side, Miracle, Happy Gilmore, Bring It On… etc.

6. Learn players names:

You don’t need to learn them all, just learn the important ones. You know, the big scorers, the hard hitters, the fancy handlers, basically all the players you see making headlines week after week.

7. Knowing how scores of various sports are distinguished:

This one’s the most important if you’re trying NOT to blow your cover. It’s important to understand the distinction between scoring a goal, a home run, or a touchdown. You might not be invited to the next football tailgate after you feign excitement that the quarterback just made a goal kick. So learn the basics. Even if you aren’t interested in sports one bit, learning something out of your comfort zone is always rewarding.

It’s simple! Go forth and fake thy sports knowledge if you must be around sports fans all the time. Boom, everyone’s happy.